The Pros and Cons of Being a Lab Assistant
by Kamryn The Wanderer
Summary: Two lab assistants, a man with breathtaking anger issues, two master assassins, a billionaire genius playboy philanthropist, two demigods, the man out of time, and assorted girlfriends all in the same tower. What could possibly go wrong? Except, you know, the whole Thanos-is-taking-over-the-world thing. Bruce/OC Loki/OC Steve/Darcy and all canon pairings. Teamfic.
1. In Which There Are Drunk Fangirls

**Hi, guys**! **So this is the revised version of Chapter 1. It really isn't all that different from the original, just a few things cleared up and Katriona a little more shy. It's not essential to read it, so if you don't want to waste the time, that's fine. But you can read it if you want. That would be cool. :) Tell me how you like it!**

**The next two or three chapters is going to be Bruce and Katriona making friends and Tony being obnoxious about it. And Clint in the vents, because that's just awesome. Thanks to everyone who gave me reviews telling me how to un-Mary Sue my character, and to Potkanka for sending me the Mary Sue Litmus Test. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned the Avengers, there would be a movie starring Natasha and Clint, because they have 2 movies about Iron Man and 0 about Natasha ****_or _****Clint. Not that I don't love Iron Man 2. But I digress. I also would have had Mark Ruffalo in the Incredible Hulk ****_and _****the Avengers because he's adorable. :)**

There were many places that Bruce Banner would rather be at this hour. In his lab, watching some movie Tony picked out to help Steve with his modern references, _sleeping_. Instead he got to watch Tony get drunk. The billionaire was currently regaling a group of squealing fangirls with a retelling of the events of six months before, complete with sound effects.

"So then the Hulk was like, RAAAR! And I was like, ARRGH! Please tell me nobody kissed me."

The fangirls let out worshipful titters, and Bruce rolled his eyes, getting up. Maybe he'd go get something from the snack bar.

Damn Tony. Damn Clint, too. Why the hell had they found it SO entertaining to drag him along to a nightclub? It's not like he was exactly the life of the party. And, of course, there was always the chance that the… other guy… might make an appearance.

Bruce ducked through a group of girls in dresses that would have made Steve blush like a schoolboy, and slammed into someone. Something wet splashed his front, and he winced, glancing down at his front. At least it wasn't something like red wine. In fact, it seemed to be…water?

The girl standing across from him stared at him in horror. She was wearing a dress that was obviously a bit too big for her, with water soaking the skirt.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry!" she blurted. "I could probably get like a napkin or something to wipe it up—I'm not usually this clumsy, sorry."

Bruce half-smiled and plucked at his shirt.

"It's all right, it's only water. I think the blame for this one lies on me. I wasn't paying attention."

The girl smiled, looking relieved.

"Oh, good. You aren't mad. I was scared you were going to get pissed off."

He stiffened, shooting the girl a wary glance. How much did she know?

There was an awkward silence, and the girl glanced down at her feet.

"Anyway, I'm super sorry, and I think I'm going to leave before I embarrass myself anymore. Uh, bye."

She went to slip past him but he put out a hand to stop her.

"Hey, it's fine. It's actually nice seeing someone who's relatively sober," he said. There was no possible way she could know about the Hulk. All that was publicly known about the Hulk was that he showed up at random intervals to kill aliens and occasionally made an appearance when the Avengers got pissed off. Tony had made sure. He said hacking into major news stations was fun, although Bruce had a suspicion that their ideas of fun were a lot different.

The girl looked at him and laughed. She was young, although definitely old enough to be in a bar. Probably in her early twenties.

"You get dragged here, too?" she asked. Bruce couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, I usually avoid nightclubs like the plague. Trust me, nobody likes me when I'm drunk. I try to steer clear of it."

He laughed inwardly. No, nobody liked the Hulk.

The girl smiled.

"Cool. Um, I'm Katriona, by the way."

"I'm Bruce. Nice to meet you," he said, automatically. For a moment he was stuck. What did you say to someone you accidentally met in a bar? Especially when that person is probably the only sober one besides yourself?

Tony would know. Except maybe about the sober part.

"So, uh, what do you do for a living?" the girl asked, awkwardly. Bruce seized on the topic instantly.

"I'm a doctor. I work in third world countries, usually, but I'm visiting a friend."

_Good, keep it simple, don't give anything away._

"That's cool. I wanted to be a doctor when I was in my teens. I refused to dissect anything, though."

"What do you mean? I thought the school system forced you to dissect animals?"

"I'm homeschooled."

"Oh. That's… interesting."

"Yeah, I kind of missed out on some social stuff, though."

Bruce raised an eyebrow, motioning her to continue. The noise level around Tony increased a few decibels, and Katriona winced, pressing her hands to her ears.

"God, I hate drunk screaming fangirls! Do you want to go outside?"

He hesitated, thinking. It was an excellent excuse for getting out of Tony's view and avoiding being set up with some girl, but there was always the risk of a trap, possibly involving his least favorite general. Katriona looked sweet enough, but after seeing the footage of a few of Natasha's interrogations he was even slower to trust first impressions.

She saw his face and shrugged.

"Okay, if you don't want to. I think it's quieter over there, though."

She pointed across the room, where a few people were lingering, apparently not impressed by the appearance of a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist superhero and a couple of his superhero friends.

Bruce nodded.

"That would be great, thanks."

Katriona immediately turned and started weaving through the crowd, slipping through narrow gaps and somehow avoiding the drunk men who were catcalling at various girls. Bruce followed her, rather less gracefully. In front of him he could see Katriona pull up a chair at an empty table. Nearby, an extremely drunk man noticed her and grinned down at her, saying something he didn't quite catch. Bruce watched carefully. Natasha would have… dealt with it, whether with a hissed comment or 'accidentally' showing the man her gun, as would most of the other agents he knew. He was genuinely surprised when Katriona hunched her shoulders and glanced at the table, then imploringly at Bruce, who took the hint. Okay. So she didn't act like a spy. That didn't mean she wasn't one. He really knew a depressing amount of spies, but he hadn't seen them all. Bruce walked up to the table and sat down across from Katriona, looking up at the man.

"I'd really appreciate it if you backed off, before I have to call in a few of my buddies. Trust me, you don't want to mess with them."

His voice was nonchalant, but there was enough of an undertone to it that the guy obeyed, calling a last lewd comment in Katriona's direction. Katriona kept her shoulders hunched until the man was a safe distance away, then relaxed.

"Thanks. I'm terrible at dealing with people like that. Usually my sister handles it."

"Oh, your older sister?" said Bruce.

"No, my younger sister, who unfortunately is six inches taller than me in heels. And she's almost always in heels."

Bruce let out a startled chuckle, making Katriona smile.

"Frankly, she scares me," she said, widening her eyes dramatically. "That's the only reason she managed to drag me here. What about you? Those buddies you mentioned intimidate you into coming?"

Bruce scoffed.

"No, they blackmailed me into coming. I was bluffing."

Katriona stared at him for a moment, and laughed. Bruce noticed she kept glancing over at Tony.

"Please don't tell me you're another one of T- Iron Man's fans," he said, raising an eyebrow.

She blushed, and shook her head, violently.

"No, no, I'm not the squealing type if that's what you mean, but I am, uh, kind of an Avengers fangirl. If I met one I would probably act like an utter idiot. You know, blushing and mumbling." Bruce grinned inwardly. She seemed to be handling meeting _him_ perfectly fine. "They just seem like decent people who actually want to help, instead of just wanting the fame."

Bruce stared at her. That was not the response he'd been expecting.

"Even the Hulk? He's not exactly careful about who he smashes," he heard himself say. Damn it. He hadn't meant to mention the Hulk.

Katriona's forehead wrinkled in thought, her lips pressed in a line.

"Well, I saw this Youtube video with some footage from the Chitauri attack, and he seemed to be actively trying to avoid smashing the civilians. And, of course, Mr. Stark keeps saying the Hulk saved his life, which is cool."

He sat back, staring at her, then nodded, slowly. So the Hulk _hadn't_ been smashing innocent bystanders. He didn't remember much about the fight, but Tony had described it in great detail. Although Clint had walked in during the middle of a story about Tony's heroics and said it was bullshit, so he didn't exactly trust his sources.

"Hmmm. I never saw that footage," he said, attempting a smile. "Perhaps I'll have to revise my opinion."

"I hope so," said Katriona, emphatically. Her shyness had slipped, and she was leaning forward, eyes shining with emotion. "I'd hate to have my impression of you ruined by your idea that the Hulk is a mindless monster. I heard somewhere that he's normally a man. Can you imagine how horrible he must feel when he wakes up in the middle of a ring of destruction and realizes what he's done?"

Her voice had turned sad near the end.

"I'd like to meet him," she added. "It would be interesting to hear what he thinks."

Bruce suppressed a flush with some effort, and scrambled for a response to that. So. Um… that was… an interesting response to the Hulk. _I wonder how she'd respond if I told her I _was _the guy who turns into the Hulk. _Conveniently enough, at that moment a girl, also in her early twenties, staggered over to their table and braced herself on it.

"Ooooh, I feel sick," she groaned. "I'm ready to go home. Kat, you're driving, right?"

"You think I would let you drive in that condition?" Katriona retorted. She looked over at Bruce and smiled apologetically.

"I better get her home before she passes out," she said. Bruce stood up at the same time she did, and nodded.

"And I better go pull my friends out of that horde soon, or their girlfriends are going to kill them," he said. "It was nice meeting you, Katriona."

"You too. Um… yeah. Bye!"

"Bye."

Bruce watched Katriona walk away, supporting her sister, and looked back at the group of fangirls. He took a deep breath, and went to go get Tony. He rethought that idea when he discovered exactly how dense the crowd was. Not to mention drunk.

"Clint!" he yelled, looking around. Clint Barton, commonly known as Hawkeye, sauntered up, apparently still mostly coherent.

"Yeah, what's up, Bruce?"

"It's getting really late, and Tony said he's got something important scheduled tomorrow. We need to leave."

Clint sized up the crowd.

"That should be… interesting," he said. He looked over at Bruce. "I assume no civilians are to be injured?"

Clint was definitely drunk if he was even suggesting injuring innocents.

"No! No!" Bruce said, hurriedly. "Just get Tony, please?"

Clint shrugged.

"Okay, it's your call. OY! TONY! WE'RE LEAVING!"

Tony climbed on a table, apparently to see who was calling, and promptly fell off. Clint rolled his eyes.

"DO YOU WANT PEPPER TO KILL YOU?"

That got him moving. Tony stumbled up to them, grinning.

"Aww, she wouldn't kill me," he said. He tilted to one side and reached out to grab Bruce's shoulder, making an irritating giggling noise.

Clint grabbed Tony's arm, and he and Bruce dragged him to the limo, where Happy was sitting, apparently playing Angry Birds on his iPhone. There was a McDonalds Happy Meal in the front seat, which Tony apparently found extremely amusing.

"Hey, Happy! You're eating a Happy Meal?" he slurred. "That's funny!"

Happy looked up from the iPhone and raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, sir," he said, tactfully not mentioning Tony's apparent inability to walk straight.

Bruce rolled his eyes. Tony was one of his best friends, but sometimes he could be the most obnoxious brat on the planet.

"Just get in the car, Tony," he said, and he slammed the door behind them.

**Review! Favorite! Follow! Reviewers get to have a slice of my sister's birthday cake *fanfare* Yup, it's her birthday. She's turning 11. **


	2. In Which There Is A Bookstore

**Okay, since NOBODY voted on my poll or sent me a review, I decided to put this chapter in between the original chapters 1 and 2. I'm probably going to add a "Tony being nosy" chapter after this one, then edit the rest and go from there.**

**Also, I think I'm going to change the name to "How To Train Your Scientist." It's easier. Capiche?**

"So. Did you meet anyone in that nightclub?" Tony was leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed. He obviously was expecting a negative answer.

"I did, actually," said Bruce. There was a crash as Tony's chair went backwards.

"What? Really?" he said, sitting up. "Spill."

A disembodied snicker emanated from one corner of the room, and a voice said:

"I am convinced Tony is secretly a teenage girl."

Tony righted his chair and sat down in it, glaring up at the ceiling.

"Shut up, Clint. And why are you in the air vents again?"

There was a long pause.

"I pissed off Tasha," said a slightly sheepish voice.

There was a longer pause.

"Okay, then, never mind," said Tony. "Anyway, Bruce, who was the chick? What did she look like? Did she give you her number?"

Bruce shrugged, looking down at his coffee mug.

"Her name's Katriona."

Tony waited.

"And?"

Bruce gave him a bemused look.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, don't play innocent with me. Is she hot?"

Bruce shrugged again.

"She's kind of cute, I guess."

Tony groaned.

"Seriously? 'Kind of cute,' what kind of description is that?"

"A Bruce-esque one," said Clint, from the ceiling. Tony snorted.

"I'd high-five you, but…"

There was a scraping sound and Clint swung down out of a vent, holding on with his knees. He grinned at Tony's face, his shirt drooping around his shoulders.

"High-five?" he said, holding out a hand. Tony slapped it warily.

"I will never get used to that," he said, shaking his head. "Damn assassins."

Bruce finished his coffee quietly, and got up to leave.

"I'm going for a walk, okay?" he said.

"Oh, come on, I'm not done interrogating you yet."

"I talk to a girl for five minutes and you want me to fall in love with her, I get it. Now shut up. The… other guy's getting annoyed."

Tony laughed.

"You're bluffing."

Bruce turned and looked at him wordlessly, letting green starting to take over his eyes, and Tony grinned.

"You mean, all those times I zapped you and I could have just been annoying?"

Bruce's teeth clenched.

"No."

"Then why is this such a sore subject for you? Bad luck in love?"

The Hulk let out a growl, and Bruce doubled over, his breath starting to rasp in and out of his chest. Clint blanched, and smacked Tony upside the head.

"Damn it, Stark, shut up!"

Bruce closed his eyes, letting his breathing settle into a routine, mentally reciting all the things he had to be grateful about. When he judged himself calm enough he opened his eyes again, still tinged with green.

"Look up Betty Ross," he said, as calmly as he could. Then he turned and left, slamming the door behind him.

Tony stared after him, and turned to exchange a glance with Clint, only to find he wasn't there.

"Jarvis, do a search on Betty Ross, please," he said, getting up. "Display it on Hologram 3 in the lab. I've heard that name before, I know I have."

**-line break—**

Bruce walked, his shoulders hunched and emotion roiling in his stomach. Betty… she was probably dating someone, she'd probably moved on, but there was that little bit of hope in his gut which said she'd waited for him. The Hulk was whimpering in the back of his head, muttering about 'want pretty Betty, where Hulk's Betty?'

Bruce walked faster, aimlessly, not knowing where he was going, if he was going anywhere at all. Dimly he could see the passerby around him, talking and laughing, oblivious to the monster which was on the brink of being unleashed. He started his breathing routine, counting his heartbeats, trying to hold the Hulk back.

There was a tiny store off to one side that didn't seem to have any people in it, so he ducked inside, and stopped in his tracks.

It was a bookstore, a wonderful, cozy, dusty bookstore. There were a multitude of books that looked like they had a system, but not one Bruce could identify, and fat armchairs in every corner. Someone was singing Taylor Swift, although he couldn't see anyone in this room. He took a deep breath of old-books smell, and a smile stole its way across his face, the Hulk falling silent. He'd always loved old bookstores. Even when Brian Banner had been particularly violent Bruce would run out of the house and down a few blocks to a certain little bookstore and everything would be all right for the few hours he was living in Narnia or Middle-Earth. Almost everything.

A purple curtain at the back of the room parted, and someone with a long skirt and a stack of books hiding their face came through, singing and panting.

"_Have you ever thought just maybe, e, e, you belong with me, e, e, you belong with meeee," _she sang. The girl had a mediocre voice, not really amazing but surprisingly on-key.

Bruce cleared his throat and the girl shrieked, dropping some of her books. One glance at that startled face and his jaw dropped.

"Katriona?"

She dropped the rest of her books with a crash.

"Bruce? Oh my god! Small world, huh?"

"Yeah. Do you, uh, need help with that?"

He gestured towards the books that she was unsuccessfully trying to pick up all at once.

"That… would be helpful," said Katriona, picking up another book. Bruce bent down and started piling books into a stack. One of them he held up to the light, smiling at the familiar cover.

"The Fellowship of the Ring. I haven't read that in _years_."

"Do you want to buy it? It's only five bucks," said Katriona, immediately. Bruce smiled at the book cover, dusting it off. It had the traditional old art on the cover.

"I might. You're quite the little saleswoman, huh?"

"I'm not little, I'm hobbit-sized," said Katriona, with a mock scowl. Bruce let out a surprised laugh.

"I like that. Do you mind if I use it?"

She smiled.

"Not at all."

Suddenly she went red, sitting up straight. A book fell from her pile and Bruce caught it neatly, adding it to his own stack.

"Oh my god you heard me singing." She looked like she might want to hide her face, only her arms were full of books.

"Yes. Yes I did."

She winced.

"Damn."

"I don't see why you're worried, your voice is fine," said Bruce, helpfully. She went a brighter shade of red, and Bruce ducked his head to hide his smile. Tony and Clint were starting to rub off on him.

Katriona cleared her throat and got up, sliding books onto the shelves. Bruce assessed her, thoughtfully. She wasn't really beautiful, like Betty had been, but she wasn't ugly either, and she had a lively, interesting face. Her hair was a bit lighter than Betty's, and she had pale green eyes and freckles. She was short though, at least four or five inches shorter than him, and he was only 5'8. No, not short, hobbit-sized.

He smiled again. Well, at least he'd be able to tell Tony about her, if he asked.

"So. About the book," he said. "I think I have five bucks on me. Are you going to ring me up?"

Katriona turned, looking dismayed.

"Oh, you're leaving?" she said. She looked honestly disappointed. Bruce hesitated.

"I'm sorry, I really have to go," he said. "I, uh, kind of gave my best friend permission to snoop around in my private files, and I want to get home before he finds some of the more embarrassing things I've done."

And that was about seventy percent true. Not bad.

"Oh. Okay. Come back sometime, though, all right?" she said, going over to the counter. She rang up the book, sliding a bookmark into the middle, and Bruce handed her a crumpled five-dollar bill.

"I'll definitely be coming back," he said. He took another deep breath. "I love old bookstores. Do you own it?"

Katriona laughed.

"No, no. The owners are going out today and I'm taking care of the shop. Usually I just work in the back room sorting books. I'm not really a people person."

Bruce raised an eyebrow.

"I can't see why. You seem to be perfectly chatty around _me_."

Katriona shrugged.

"You're not really intimidating. You sort of radiate niceness and dependable-ness," she said, gesturing vaguely.

Bruce smiled a little bitterly at that. Yes, the Hulk was _extremely _nice. Not to mention dependable. Everyone felt safe around _him_.

"Thank you. Now I really have to go, sorry."

"Okay, bye!"

Bruce left the tiny bookstore feeling much better, a smile on his face. Just outside he stopped and turned around, looking for the sign.

_Four and Twenty Paperbacks_, it said, and he laughed. That was a _perfect_ title. Katriona was standing in the window watching him go, and he waved, before turning and walking back towards Stark Industries, his book under his arm.

** -line break—**

Tony sat in the middle of his lab, reading, his face falling a little farther with each paragraph. General Ross; trying to kill Bruce or use him, whichever worked better, his daughter Betty, who was Bruce's girlfriend until he turned into the Hulk, and who he abandoned because he didn't want to hurt her. Betty became engaged to a general, and everything just deteriorated from there. The file finished with a bleak few sentences:

_Dr. Banner was offered the chance to reunite with Ms. Ross and declined, saying that he didn't want to open up old wounds._

Tony sat back and rubbed his eyes, tiredly. No wonder Bruce had freaked out. He looked the file over again, examining Betty's statistics, and stopped when he saw Betty's birthday. September 17th. Today.

"Oh, damn. Poor Bruce," he said aloud. "Jarvis, remind me not to make any more digs about Bruce's girlfriend for the rest of the day, okay?"

"I will do my best, Sir," said Jarvis. "However, I feel obligated to remind you that you often fail to listen to me."

Tony scowled.

"Oh, shut up, Jarvis."

"As you wish, Sir."

The doors opened and Bruce came in with a book under his arm, a slight smile on his face. The smile disappeared when he saw what Tony was looking at. Tony closed the hologram hurriedly.

"Hey… buddy… I'm sorry about, um, you know, bringing up a sore subject." He was shifting uncomfortably and looking at his feet, tripping over his words. It was rare to see Tony Stark being so awkward.

"It's fine. I overreacted," said Bruce. He sat down and opened his book nonchalantly, pulling out a bookmark and smiling. Tony gaped at him.

"Damn. What's got you so happy?"

Bruce shrugged.

"I found a wonderful little used bookstore. _Four and Twenty Paperbacks_. I got a really nice copy of the Fellowship of the Ring."

"They have a Lord of the Rings _book_?" said Tony. Bruce looked up from the book and gave him an odd look.

"Please tell me you're joking?"

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding."

Bruce gave him another look, shook his head, and turned back to his book.

Tony narrowed his eyes. He very sincerely doubted that a bookstore and a few old books would make Bruce this happy.

"What's up with _you_?" he asked, suspiciously.

"I don't know what you mean, I—"

"Cut the shit, Bruce. There isn't a bookstore in the world that can make you leave furious and come back practically skipping."

Bruce smiled.

"Well, there's one."

Tony narrowed his eyes at him.

"I think I'm going to have to take a trip to that bookstore."

"Go ahead."

"Where is it, again?"

"Two blocks north. It's a tiny hole-in-the-wall place. I don't know if you like that sort of thing."

Tony nodded decisively.

"Okay. I'll be back in an hour."

"Tony?"

"What?"

"Don't interrogate the girl who works there. She's shy."

"Noted."

And with that Tony left the lab.

**Poor Bruce. He needs a hug. He needs a hug even more than Loki needs a hug, mostly because Loki would probably take a hug offensively. Maybe I'll write him a hug in a few chapters. :)**

**So, how do you like this new chapter? I'm going to have a heck of a time working Loki/OC and Steve/Darcy in here, but I think I'll manage. Maybe I'll do something like, I dunno, a couple of companion pieces to this, with Loki ending up mute and sick and alone on Katriona's sister's doorstep, and Steve getting introduced to Darcy and all that jazz, proceeding alongside this one. Oh help. That's a lot of writing. It would be worth it though...**

**Tell me what you think of the companion pieces idea! In fact, just tell me what you think in general. It would make me very happy :)**


	3. In Which Tony Has Fun With Interviews

**I'm baaaack! SO sorry for the delay, I've been busy with other fandoms. Like Doctor Who. And Firefly. And Pirates of the Caribbean. And Sherlock. And lots of other stuff. Anyway, in case this chapter doesn't make it clear, Katriona is normally shy, but occasionally if she's ****_really _****nervous, she sort of blurts stuff out. Like a mind-vomit. I do that a lot :)** **Instead of rewriting all the chapters I'm going to edit the three salvageable chapters, guillotine the rest, and then make an appearance from Fury for plot. Cause there really isn't much plot. Well, I've got some of the main stuff in my mental library, but not the in-betweeny bits.**

**Okay so I was reading over this story and I realized something. I'm a funny chick. Although this is much better than my new little one-shot. Also, I'm cutting Loki, Jane, and Darcy apart from a few background mentions because I'm already juggling eight main-ish characters with distinct personalities not counting the eventual villain. Instead I'm doing Steve/Amber. If you want Loki go read Samhain's Child by... uh... a person? And The Avenging of Natalie Frost by YouLookLikeFOOD. Amazing stories. I love Dark!Loki. If you want Steve/Darcy search for a story called Skipping. Thanks to all of you who gave me sparkly reviews and favorited/followed me :)**

Katriona woke up to the sound of an alarm, and immediately got up, glancing at the clock on her bedside table. It was 9:30 in the morning.

"Oh crap, I'm late."

She jumped up and started getting dressed, searching through her closet for the clothes Amber had recommended. Normally she would ask Amber to do her hair, too, but her sister was sleeping off a nasty hangover across the hall and probably wouldn't be up until noon. Katriona settled on a ponytail. She didn't have time to mess around.

She applied some lip gloss, looked in the mirror, and sighed. She looked… okay. Amber would have made her look gorgeous, but... She looked at the clock again. It was 9:55. The interview was supposed to be at 10:00.

"Crap."

Hurriedly she got in the car and drove the twenty minutes to the university, silently cursing herself. Damn it. She'd gone to bed late, because Amber had insisted on having her tell over and over about how Tony Stark had walked into Four and Twenty Paperbacks and asked about some random guy she met at a bar and then Amber had drunk a lot of vodka and rambled on about the Avengers and evil plans to take over the world and how famous Amber was going to be when people discovered her vocal talents, which she'd then demonstrated, despite not remembering any lyrics.

Katriona opened the office door and stopped in her tracks. There was a young woman sitting in her seat, chatting with the principal, who looked up.

"Ah. You must be Ms. Leaf. I'm sorry to tell you that you're too late."

"I know, I'm sorry, but I'm ready to do the interview now," Katriona said. The young woman gave Katriona a once-over and pursed her lips, glancing expressively over the desk.

"You misunderstand. You're _too late_. Ms. Reilly has already taken the position of creative writing instructor," said the principal, folding his hands.

Katriona's shoulders slumped, and she nodded.

"I understand. I'm sorry for wasting your time."

Slowly, now, she went back down the stairs and through the lobby. The man working at the front desk looked up and smiled.

"Hey, Kat!" he said. Katriona attempted a smile, but the result was so pitiful that it made the man's face fall.

"Oh, come on, I'm not _that_ ugly. I assume they decided not to hire you?"

She nodded forlornly.

"Good. I found something better."

He pushed a newspaper clipping across the desk at her, and she picked it up. It was an advertisement for a lab assistant at Stark Towers. The qualifications started out normal enough: a college certificate, no criminal records. They got steadily stranger.

"Applicant must know at least two languages, including English. Check. Applicant must not have a fear or disliking of animals. Uh… Check. Applicant must not apply for the sake of working in the same tower as the awesome Mr. Stark. Check. Definitely. Why do I get the feeling that Mr. Stark wrote this list?"

The man laughed.

"Well, you do qualify," he pointed out.

"I know. It was nice seeing you, Marcus. When are they interviewing people again?"

Marcus tapped a sentence on the ad.

"Today, from eight to eleven."

Katriona hesitated.

"And, uh, what time is it?"

Marcus glanced at his computer.

"Ten twenty. You better hurry."

She groaned.

"Right. I'm on it. Thanks so much, Marcus!"

Marcus smiled.

"Anything for another homeschooler."

Katriona laughed and waved as she ran to the car. She didn't hear him say, softly:

"Anything for _you_."

Tony Stark was having an enormous amount of fun. The poor applicants never saw it coming.

"Who's your favorite Avenger? Have you ever wanted to be a supervillain? What's your favorite color? Do you have a tendency to walk into walls?"

All the while he would pretend to take notes, and watch the applicants fidget and overthink their answers. At intervals, he yelled: "NEXT!"

It wasn't just for fun he was doing this though. No, Bruce needed a lab assistant, and he needed one who wouldn't panic every time he Hulked out or made something explode and would remind him to eat and sleep, like Pepper did for him.

So far, none of the applicants came even close to the image Tony had in his head. To be fair, it was an extremely idealistic image. There probably wasn't a person in the world that would joke with Tony, be nice to Bruce, and could speak what Clint called Geekish, as well as be tolerably pretty. He wasn't going to let any eyesores into HIS tower.

"NEXT!" he yelled, not looking up from his notebook. There was a pause, and then the door opened, quietly, just enough to let a girl slip through. Tony gave her a once-over. Pretty, brunette, early twenties, in an outfit that was reasonably fashionable but didn't call attention to her, a ponytail, and slip-on shoes that made hardly any noise as she sat down. So far, so good.

"So, who's your favorite Avenger?" he asked. The girl smiled.

"Um, I can never decide. You're all pretty awesome. It would be really cool to meet the Hulk, though. I wonder if he's smart and is just bad with language. Or maybe those rumors about him having a human alter ego are true, in which case that guy would be cool to meet too."

Tony's eyebrows shot up. One point for the brunette.

He made a note. An _actual_ note. Well, a mental note.

"What's your favorite color?"

"Green. Um, why?"

_For fun._

"It's for my statistics."

"Riiight."

She sounded skeptical. Good. She wasn't someone who was easily intimidated by celebrities or awesome billionaire genius playboy philanthropists who were superheroes in their spare time.

"Anyway. Have you ever wanted to be a supervillain?"

"No, but my sister has. Does that count?"

That was an… interesting… answer.

"Do you have a tendency to walk into walls?"

The girl looked at him.

"Are you making these up off the top of your head?" she demanded.

Tony gave her an odd look.

"Of _course _I am," he said, as if she were an idiot. His face was completely serious.

She laughed.

"I figured. Did you write the ad, too? The qualifications were _extremely _interesting."

"Hello? I'm the interviewer, here," said Tony. He _liked_ this girl. She would be good for Bruce. "You never answered my question."

"Yes, but only when I'm walking and reading at the same time and I'm not used to the surroundings."

Tony coughed to hide a snicker.

"Do you consider yourself a nerd?"

"I consider myself a _cool_ nerd," she informed him.

That was possibly the best answer he'd gotten all day.

"You're hired."

The girl's eyebrows shot up.

"Um, you haven't even asked me my _name_ yet."

Tony frowned.

"I haven't?"

The girl shook her head.

"Then what's your name?"

"Katriona Numair. Please don't laugh."

Behind the girl Tony saw Bruce come into the room.

"Tony, are you finished yet? It's eleven. Please tell me you didn't just hire the first pretty girl that walked in."

"No, I hired the _third_ pretty girl that walked in," said Tony. He turned to Katriona.

"Can you make lattes? I'm fond of lattes."

"Uh, yeah. My sister likes lattes, too."

She seemed determined not to turn around.

"Katriona?" said Bruce, in a tone of utter surprise. Katriona turned around.

"Oh, so it _is_ you!"

Tony looked from Katriona to Bruce and back.

"Do you two know each other?" he asked, with a grin.

"Briefly," said Bruce. "Remember that nightclub we went to last night?"

He considered the question.

"Not very well, no."

Katriona snickered, hastily choking it off when they both looked at her.

Bruce rolled his eyes.

"Of course not. Anyway, that's where I met her."

Tony stared for a moment, then let out a whoop of laughter.

"Oh my god! I knew I recognized her! She's the bookstore clerk!"

"Wait, Dr. Bruce Banner?" said Katriona, sitting up. She looked admiringly at Bruce.

"I've read some of your papers on gamma radiation. I was going through a physicist phase."

Tony pointed at her.

"See! That's why I hired her."

"Um, if you don't mind me asking, what does Dr. Banner have to do with the Avengers?" asked Katriona, hesitantly. There was a silence, and Tony and Bruce exchanged a glance. Katriona seemed to be thinking about it.

"Wait a minute. Tell me if I'm wrong, but is he the guy who turns into the Hulk?"

Bruce immediately stiffened, looking wary. Katriona looked from Tony to Bruce.

"Okay, so nobody denied it. Oh my _god._"

Her eyes had gone huge.

Bruce turned to Tony.

"This is why I thought this was a bad idea."

"Nonsense! She's perfectly fine."

Katriona sat back in her chair and watched.

"I don't need a lab assistant."

"She isn't really a lab assistant. She's more of an organizer and professional coffee-getter and Bruce's-pants-finder, but lab assistant sounds cooler."

"It doesn't matter! I don't want anyone in danger!"

"Who says she's in danger? You're always calmest in your lab."

"She could be a spy like Natasha!"

"We'll get Natasha to check her out, make sure she is who she says she is, don't worry."

"She isn't going to want to be a lab assistant for the _Hulk_."

There was a loud slam, and both boys looked up, to see that Katriona had brought a ruler down on the desk with some force.

"When do I start?" she asked Tony. Her voice was firm.

"Tomorrow. At eight."

"I'll see you two at eight tomorrow. Goodbye."

And with that she picked up her purse and left, closing the door gently behind her. There was an odd, nervous giggle from the other side of the door and then receding footsteps.

There was a stunned silence, and Tony looked at Bruce with one eyebrow raised.

"Ten bucks says she'll be indispensable by the end of the week."

"Done."


	4. In Which There Are Kit-Kats

**Warning: Fluff, general plotlessness, and Tony's head in the gutter. This entire story is rainbows and unicorns with a side-dish of Fury's superiors being SOBs and Katriona being used for her...specialness (Yup, cutting the Dark Elves too. Sorry.)**

Bruce was bent over a stack of paper, writing furiously, when he heard the door open. He glanced up long enough to see that it was Katriona, then resumed scribbling.

"Sorry I'm late," she said, quietly. "Tony wanted to tell me what I'm supposed to do. And sorry about yelling the other day. I turned off my brain-to-mouth filter."

Bruce nodded absently, still writing, and she laughed.

"You look like me when I'm in the middle of a story," she said. She put something down in the corner with a thump. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her start to pick up papers, flipping through them and wincing.

"Yikes. Is it a requirement for smart people to have terrible handwriting?"

Bruce shrugged.

"Fine, I'll shut up."

She didn't say another word.

He looked up every now and then and saw her carefully copying down some of his hastier notes in much clearer print, and putting the papers in folders, which she labeled carefully. He'd been expecting the silence to be awkward, but it wasn't, really. It was a companionable silence that was better than talking and let Bruce concentrate. He was making a device to track minute amounts of gamma radiation. Well, really he was doing calculations and making notes so that Tony could make it. Tony was the inventor.

Someone was humming in the background, and he looked up to see Katriona sweeping up some broken glass from earlier in the week and singing a slow, quiet song under her breath. She noticed him looking at her and immediately shut up, flushing.

"Sorry. It's a habit," she said. "I did try to be quiet, though."

"It's all right. When Tony's in here he blasts rock music and chatters at me. I've learned to ignore it."

She smiled and looked down, scooping the glass into a dustpan, but she didn't start singing again.

Tony waltzed in around 10:00, breaking the silence neatly.

"So, how do you like your new lab assistant?" he asked, brightly.

Bruce didn't even look up.

"Fine. She's very _quiet_," he said, pointedly.

"Yeah, I can tell. It's like a grave down here. Should I turn on some tunes?"

"Please don't," said Katriona. She was filing things again, carefully.

Tony glared at her, and she folded her arms.

"If you want music you can use some earbuds," she said, reasonably. Bruce flashed a half-smile in her direction and kept writing.

"I feel slightly oppressed by the amount of disapproving silence in this room. I think I'm going to go tinker with the Mark VIII. Have fun, you two."

He left, slamming the door behind him and making a beaker fall. Katriona sighed almost inaudibly and went to go clean it up.

"You should probably wear some gloves. I'm not entirely sure what fell over," Bruce warned. She stopped halfway through reaching for the broom and went over to a shelf where there were some clear plastic gloves, slipping on a pair.

"Right. I forgot. I'm working for a mad scientist."

She held up the shards of the bottle which were labeled and squinted.

"It says… Potassium Chlorate?"

"Good. It's not dangerous, just so you know."

"Okay. I think I'm going to learn a lot with this job."

Bruce had the feeling she would definitely learn a lot from this job. Not all of it chemicals. Hopefully she wouldn't have to learn how it felt to have a Hulk fling you across a room.

At 12:00 Katriona got up and cleared her throat.

"Excuse me, Dr. Banner?"

He looked up from his laptop, where he was compiling some of the information he had scribbled notes about for Tony, and smiled.

"Yes?"

"It's lunchtime."

The doctor looked vaguely surprised.

"Is it?"

"Yes, it is."

"It's all right, you can go to lunch without me."

Katriona shifted from foot to foot.

"I don't know anyone except you and Mr. Stark, and Mr. Stark kind of scares me. Do you think you could come, please?"

Bruce rubbed his temples tiredly, looking at his assistant's anxious face and wide, pleading eyes.

It wasn't like he was doing anything time-sensitive. He could probably afford to take thirty minutes off to eat. And he _was_ hungry. Not to mention the fact that Natasha and Clint would be very intimidating to a girl as subdued as Katriona.

"Fine. I'll wrap this up real quick and we'll go upstairs."

He wrote a few sentences, saved the document, and got up, closing the computer.

Bruce's lab was in the basement, because Tony said he was tired of replacing the floors every time Bruce burned himself with acid, and it didn't have any windows, although Tony insisted that there be lots of bright lights.

He watched in amusement as they got to the top of the basement stairs and Katriona immediately went and stood in the patch of sunlight an open window provided, taking a deep breath.

"Not that I don't like your lab," she told Bruce. "But it smells like chemicals and the light is all artificial. I need sunshine."

Bruce smiled.

"You seem like someone who would like the sunshine."

Katriona turned.

"What do you mean?" she asked. Bruce gestured at her vaguely.

"You know, like a flower child."

She laughed.

"Yup. My sister thinks I'm a nut. A tea-drinking, bookstore-working nut."

"Oh, I forgot to ask, you quit, right? Otherwise you wouldn't be here," said Bruce.

Katriona nodded sadly.

"I hated to do it. The owners are nice. Buuuut!" she said, with a sudden switch to levity. "I have the coolest job ever now and my boss is still nice!"

Bruce laughed, flushing slightly.

"Thanks. Uh, anyway, in case you were wondering, the dining room's on the 53rd floor. The top seven floors are the ones where Tony and the other Avengers live, when they're here."

"How many floors are there?"

"Fifty-five aboveground, my lab, and an expansive wine cellar beneath that."

"Oh. Wow. So… kitchen and dining room are on the 53rd floor? What else is on that floor?"

"I'll tell you in the elevator. I want to get Clint and Tony's comments over with."

Katriona frowned as she made her way to the elevator.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't usually eat lunch, much."

She stopped in her tracks, tilting her head to one side.

"I can see that. Sometimes, when I'm writing, I won't eat anything until 2:00 in the afternoon."

"Yes, you mentioned your writing. What was that about again?"

"I'm a writer. I got a book published when I was eighteen, but it flopped."

"Ouch."

"Exactly."

As they stepped into the elevator they were discussing writing, with Bruce using his limited experience writing science papers as backup.

Steve Rogers had heard about Bruce's new lab assistant. Tony had had Clint laughing so hard he could barely breathe when he described Katriona's interview, and then near 10:30 Tony had come up to the dining room looking gloomy and said he'd been kicked out and his music had been insulted.

Apparently Bruce liked her though. Clint and Natasha were sitting to his left, watching the elevator.

Natasha apparently wanted to make sure Katriona wasn't some sort of spy, whereas Clint wanted to see the girl with the guts to _tell_ Bruce she was going to be his lab assistant, _after_ she learned that he was the Hulk. Steve just wanted to make sure that the agents didn't scare the poor girl too much.

They were expecting her to come out of the elevator alone, so they could interrogate her, but as the elevator doors opened, they could see Bruce was with her, and they were talking animatedly. Steve blinked. He'd never seen Bruce actually _talk_ to someone, just for the sake of talking. He would answer questions, and ask questions, but he didn't _chat_. And yet he was chatting.

"Please tell me you guys see it too," said Clint, his eyes fixed on the strange sight.

"We see it," said Steve. He stood up, and smiled at the girl, who abruptly went silent.

"My name is Captain Steve Rogers. I assume you're Ms. Leaf?" he said, kindly.

"Um, yes, but everyone calls me Katriona or Kat."

Natasha stood up and inspected her, raising an eyebrow.

"Nice outfit," she observed, drily. Katriona looked at her.

"Thank you," she replied, just as drily. Natasha's lips twitched.

"You must be Black Widow?" Katriona asked, hesitantly. Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"And how did you guess that?"

"Because you're a scary lady with red hair sitting next to the other Avengers," said Katriona bluntly. Clint laughed and stood, too.

"Wait until you get to know her. She's even scarier," he said. He shook Katriona's hand.

"Clint Barton. Also known as Hawkeye."

"Clint!" Natasha hissed. She muttered something in Russian that Steve didn't catch.

Clint looked surprised, and said something back, his tone placating.

Bruce was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking around and fidgeting.

Katriona glanced over and sighed.

"So, when's lunch?" she asked. Clint looked at the elevator.

"We're waiting for Tony. Normally he doesn't come down for lunch, but he expressly told us to wait until he came."

The elevator _dinged_ and opened, and Tony stepped out looking annoyed.

"I went all the way down to the basement to try and make Bruce come upstairs, and he has the audacity to not be there. Where _is_ Bruce?"

He looked to his right, and Bruce smiled sheepishly.

"Oh. Did…" He turned to Katriona. "What's your name, again?"

"Katriona."

"Ugh, I'm never going to remember that. Let me think of a nickname."

Tony stood with his index finger raised for a minute, and then beamed. "Your new name is Kit-Kat. Alright?"

"Uh… Okay?" said Katriona. Natasha and Clint exchanged an amused glance.

"Now, what was I saying? Right. How did you manage to drag Bruce up here, Kit-Kat?" Tony cocked his head to one side, inquisitively. "I've been trying to for months."

Katriona smiled innocently.

"Well, you did say that part of the job description was getting Bruce to eat occasionally."

Tony raised an eyebrow, but Bruce interrupted.

"Wait. You told her," He gestured at Katriona. "That she was supposed to get me to eat? I know when to eat, Tony."

Everyone stared at him. The expressions of disbelief were not flattering in the least. Bruce's face began turning slightly red.

"No need to be embarrassed, Brucie," said Tony. "Pepper gets me to eat most of the time."

He frowned.

"Although, I don't think her methods would work on Bruce. Which leaves us with the question, how did Kit-Kat get Bruce to eat?"

Katriona shrugged.

"I told him I was nervous about meeting the Avengers and I'd really appreciate it if he came with me. And I might have used the puppy eyes."

Tony and Clint started cracking up, and even Natasha was grinning slightly. Steve looked confused.

"Um, what are the puppy eyes?" he asked the room. Tony waved a hand at him.

"I'll explain later."

The elevator _dinged_ again and Pepper came out of the elevator, stopping to stare at everyone. Katriona was standing nervously off to one side, and the redhead walked over to her with a smile.

"You must be Katriona," she said, holding out a hand. "I'm Pepper Potts."

Tony came up behind his girlfriend, slinging an arm across her shoulders.

"No, no, no, this is Kit-Kat," he informed her. Katriona rolled her eyes.

"Can I just get something to eat?" she asked, pleadingly. "I have a lot of work to do, and frankly Dr. Banner is going back downstairs soon whether he's eaten or not."

Pepper smiled.

"Yes, I call it Genius Syndrome. The really smart people all have bad handwriting and forget when to eat and sleep."

Katriona grinned.

"They _do_!"

Tony made a face like he was considering being insulted.

From overhead a British voice said, calmly,

"Sir, the pizzas you ordered are here. Should I instruct one of the maids to get them?"

Katriona yelped and whirled, searching the room for whoever the voice was.

"Yes, thank you, JARVIS," said Pepper.

"Did JARVIS _scare_ you, Kit-Kat?" Tony said, innocently. Katriona folded her arms.

"Who's JARVIS?" she demanded.

"Tony's AI," said Natasha, leaning against the counter. Katriona jumped, and turned again. Her eyes flicked to Bruce, who was standing near the counter and drumming on it with his fingers. His face was utterly serene, even in the midst of mayhem, and Katriona wished suddenly that she could keep so calm. She took a deep breath.

"I think I'm going to go talk to Dr. Banner," she said, slipping out of the small group of people surrounding her. Tony gave Pepper an extremely loaded look and Pepper sighed.

"Get your mind out of the gutter!" she hissed. Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Bet you ten bucks they're dating by the end of the month," he said. Natasha stood to go rescue Steve from Clint's overly confusing explanations.

"Done."

By the time the pizzas arrived, carried by a suspiciously pretty young maid in a lacy apron, the room had settled down, as everyone sat down in little groups. Tony borrowed Bruce to ask him about how his project was going, so Katriona was sitting alone, making a mental list of things she still had to do, when Steve sat down next to her and smiled.

"Sorry about earlier," he said. "We can be a little overwhelming sometimes."

Katriona raised an eyebrow.

"You don't say," she said, taking a bite of pizza.

Steve shrugged.

"You seem pretty nice, though. Quiet, too. Perfect for Bruce. I hope you'll last longer than Bruce's last lab assistant."

Katriona looked up, her eyes widening, and swallowed with difficulty.

"His _last_ lab assistant?" she said, bewildered.

"Tony got him a lab assistant when he first came. She left after eight days, when Bruce accidentally spilled acid on himself and Hulked out. Nobody liked her much."

Katriona winced.

"Ouch. Acid? That can't have felt good. No wonder he Hulked out."

"Yeah."

They were silent for a while, eating, until Bruce came over and cleared his throat, awkwardly.

"I'm going back to the lab, okay?" he said. "You can stay up here a little longer if you like."

Katriona hastily finished her slice of pizza and stood.

"No, I've got work to do, anyway."

Bruce nodded, and waited for her to catch up to him before going into the elevator. Steve looked at them, starting to talk, quietly, and smiled. It was nice to see Bruce being social with someone outside of the Avengers, even if she was only a lab assistant.

When Katriona came home that night, Amber was sitting on the couch, cross-legged.

"Did you meet the Avengers?" she asked. Katriona nodded, her face lighting up with a smile.

"And?"

"They're pretty cool. Captain America is really nice, and so is Dr. Banner. Mr. Stark's kind of obnoxious, but he's really funny. I didn't really get to talk to Black Widow and Hawkeye."

"What about Thor?"

"He's away right now. Dr. Banner says he's waiting for judgment to be passed on his brother. He should be back soon, though. Dr. Foster's moving to New York so that she and Thor can see each other more often without Thor being away if there's a crisis."

"Okay, tomorrow can I come and meet everyone?" Amber asked. Katriona hesitated.

"We should probably wait a couple days, until I actually know them well enough to ask. But I promise I'll introduce you, eventually."

"Eventually. I hate that word. It means I have to be patient."

Amber paused, and smiled slyly.

"By the way, is Dr. Banner hot?"

Katriona went beet-red.

"Well, he's not _ugly_," she began.

Amber snickered evilly.

"But seriously, Amber, he's like ten years older than me. Don't imply that we're—Oh, shut up. I'm going to bed."

Katriona slammed the door behind her as she went into her room.

Ridiculous. Just because Tony's girlfriend was his personal assistant didn't mean that she and Dr. Banner were going to end up together. Just… ridiculous.


	5. In Which There Are Pancakes and Sisters

**A bit more fluff and plotlessness, but at last Amber is introduced! We've also reached the end of the revised chapters. Next Chapter we have an appearance by Fury, and the real plot starts. Also, with Amber & Steve, their song is Begin Again by Taylor Swift.**

**Go and read my oneshots! And A Pepperony Pizza On The Side and Tony And Loki And The Rules Of Fighting Fair. **

**Thank you, O reviewers. You make my day.**

It was a sunny Tuesday morning, and Tony was in the dining room being smug and eating pancakes. There was a _ding_ (He would really have to change that to something cooler. Like a drumroll. A drumroll would be totally awesome) as the elevator landed on the dining room floor and Bruce stepped out. He took one look at Tony's face and groaned.

"Oh, come on," he said, tiredly. "Really?"

Tony nodded, grinning.

Bruce sighed, and pulled out his wallet, handing Tony a ten dollar bill.

"Thank you," said Tony, taking it. "You're so kind."

Bruce rolled his eyes and flipped a pancake onto a plate.

Tony made an exaggerated choking noise and gaped at him.

"Bruce Banner, eating? Odd, I don't remember getting _that_ drunk."

Bruce raised an eyebrow, taking a bite of pancake.

"Tony, do me a favor and shut up?" he said.

"Well, I suppose Pepper gets me to eat. I mean, a pretty girl telling you she's worried about you can work wonders."

Tony was wickedly pleased when the poor doctor went red.

"Tony, I've told you a thousand times, I don't _think_ of her like that."

"For now."

The elevator _dinged_ again and Pepper stepped out before Bruce could respond.

"Saved by the bell," Tony remarked.

"What?" said Pepper, frowning.

"Uh, nothing."

Pepper sighed.

"Whatever. Katriona's sister Amber is coming to visit today, okay?"

Bruce and Tony both stared at her.

"Um… why?" asked Tony, suspiciously.

"She wants to meet you, apparently. Katriona seemed a bit exasperated when I asked her about it," Pepper said, with a laugh.

"Oh," said Bruce, eloquently. He looked back down at his plate.

"Pepper, darling, please don't tell me she's a fangirl. I hate fangirls," said Tony.

"It's your fault for being famous, Tony, dear."

Another _ding_, and Katriona stepped into the dining room, accompanied by a girl Bruce vaguely remembered as staggering up to Katriona at the nightclub.

"Hey, Tony, Bruce? Is it okay if my sister tags along today? Pepper said it was okay, but I wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable or anything," said Katriona, sweetly. The other girl snickered slightly under her breath.

"Anything for little Kit-Kat. Hey, you guys want to meet Thor? He's arriving today," said Tony.

Pepper stared at him.

"You didn't _tell_ me?" she yelped, clapping a hand to her head. Tony stared after her as she left the room, pulling out her phone.

"Huh. I could have sworn I told her about that," he remarked.

"Hey, Kat, you going to get around to introducing me?" said the strange girl, dryly.

"Hmm? Oh! Right, sorry. Bruce, Tony, this is my sister Amber. My younger, taller sister. Amber, this is Dr. Bruce Banner and Tony Stark. Where is everyone?"

"Well, Steve and Natasha are in the gym. Clint's probably clogging up my air ducts."

Katriona sighed.

"He and Natasha are _still_ fighting?"

"Yeah. They got into a fist fight last night. It was pretty awesome."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Two assassins got in a fist fight?" said Amber, holding out a hand. "Please tell me you filmed that?"

"Yep, got it all on camera. You and Kit-Kat are nothing alike, are you?" said Tony.

Amber shuddered dramatically. "Um, no thank you. I have no interest in being an emotional geek."

Tony raised an eyebrow, glancing pointedly at Bruce.

"Shhh, don't let him hear you. He has a tendency to go green when his… friends… are insulted."

Amber snickered.

"Oh, yes, they're _very_ good friends," she said, sweetly.

"That really wasn't funny the _first_ time, guys. After the hundredth it's just obnoxious," said Katriona. Her cheeks were bright red. Bruce just sighed.

"When I first met him I had a theory that Tony's maturity was stuck in the eighth grade level," he told her. "Nothing he's said in the six months I've known him has changed my mind."

"Hey!" Tony protested. "How many eighth graders do you know with steady girlfriends?"

"My brother, my best friend's little sister, my other best friend's little brother, and Amber when she was in eighth grade," Katriona retorted.

"Katriona had a boyfriend in third grade," Amber volunteered. Tony's face had fallen.

"Okay, you _may_ have a point," he said. Then he paused. "Wait, _Kit-Kat_ had a boyfriend in third grade?"

Katriona blushed.

"It wasn't my idea! And we didn't kiss or anything! It was just an excuse for the boy to tell everyone he had a girlfriend." She paused. "And occasionally he had me be Princess Leia if we were playing Star Wars."

Tony snorted loftily.

"Then he wasn't your boyfriend, obviously."

"Yup. Amber thinks it's funny though. And Amber, you are absolutely forbidden to tell anyone in the tower anything about any crushes I have or have had, capiche?" said Katriona, turning to Amber suddenly.

Tony grinned annoyingly.

"What crushes?" he asked.

"Mostly fictional, unfortunately," said Amber. "Although, I never understood the thing you had for Peter P—"

Katriona slapped a hand over Amber's mouth, blushing furiously.

"Peter who?" asked Tony, intrigued. "Real or fictional? And who _has _crushes on fictional characters?"

Bruce grinned sheepishly.

"I used to have a crush on Elizabeth Bennet," he volunteered. Katriona smiled at him.

"I can see that," she said, reflectively.

"Not that this isn't cute and all, but Peter _who_?" interrupted Tony.

"Peter _Pan_, okay?" said Katriona, going red again. Tony's jaw dropped.

"The _cartoon _character?" he said, incredulously.

"No! No, the one from the live action movie and can we please not talk about this anymore."

Amber made a muffled sound and Katriona let her go, blushing again.

"Distraction?" Amber asked Katriona, in an undertone.

As she said that, there was a loud clanging sound as a grate fell to the floor. The various people in the room stared as a very dusty Hawkeye crawled out of an air vent and coughed. Katriona's eyebrows shot up, and she and Amber traded a glance.

"Perfect timing!" whispered Amber. Clint wasn't paying attention.

"That isn't funny, Natasha!" he yelled into the vent. There was a pause, then a slightly evil feminine snicker echoed out of it. Clint picked up the grate and fit it back onto the vent, then turned. He froze at the sight of several people staring at him, half of whom he didn't know, but he recovered fast.

"Oh, you must be Katriona's sister," he said, charmingly. "I'd offer to shake your hand, but Natasha set the air conditioner to _extract_ and… well…" He glanced down at himself and winced. There was another moment of silence, while everyone digested this.

"Anyway," said Tony. "Amber, the idiot by the air duct is Clint Barton, or Hawkeye. You piss him off and you take an arrow to the knee, understand?"

"Okey-dokey then. Ooh, pancakes. Do you mind if I have some?"

Tony glanced at the stack of pancakes beside him and then back at Amber

"Uh," he began.

Amber gave him a pleading look.

"I didn't eat breakfast," she said.

"Amber! You can't just ask people you don't know if you can have their food!" Katriona said, sounding scandalized. Amber went slightly red.

"Ooh, you're in trouble," said Tony, in a sing-song voice.

Behind them, the door to the stairwell opened and Steve came through, a towel thrown over his shoulder, looking tired and sore. On his heels was a perky, smirking Natasha.

Amber's eyebrows shot up, and she did a very obvious once-over of Steve, who flushed, looking at the ground.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I don't think I know you?" he said. He shot a pleading glance at Tony and Bruce.

"I'm Amber. Katriona's little sister. And _who_ are _you_?" said Amber, grinning appreciatively and holding out a hand. Steve shook it, awkwardly.

"Captain Steve Rogers."

"Oh, you're the star-spangled guy that got turned into a Popsicle for seventy years. Captain America." Amber looked him over again. "You're much hotter in person than on video."

Poor Steve went beet-red, and refused to look her in the eye. Katriona helpfully came to his rescue.

"Yes, this is Captain America. He's kind of shy, so don't try to seduce him, kay Amber? Behind him is Black Widow. She's the Natasha that made Clint dusty."

Natasha smiled wickedly, and Amber looked admiring.

Steve blushed furiously and looked like he was attempting to fade into the background and failing miserably.

"I want to be her when I grow up," Amber announced, pointing in Natasha's direction.

"No, you don't," said Natasha. Her face had gone deadly serious. After a moment a smile popped back up and she inspected Amber carefully. "Hello, Amber. It's nice to meet you in person."

Katriona and Amber both stared.

"Uh… That's a little creepy," said Amber, eventually. Natasha shrugged.

"I do my homework."

"Hey, Clint," said Katriona, hesitantly. Clint raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, what's up, Kit-Kat?"

"You might want to go change?" she said, as tactfully as she could.

"What she's too polite to say is that you look like a barrel full of dryer lint threw up on you," said Tony, helpfully.

"Thank you, Tony," said Katriona, a bit dryly.

"What she's too polite to say is 'Shut up, Tony! You're making us all look bad,'" said Clint. Tony winced.

"Touché."

"I'd really advise both of you shutting up and going to make yourselves presentable. Trust me, remaining would be very bad for your health," said Natasha, silkily. Clint and Tony exchanged a look, and Tony mimed locking his mouth and throwing away the key. He then did an exaggerated tiptoe out of the room and closed the door behind him carefully. When Katriona turned back from watching Tony exit, Clint was gone, and the grate over the air vent was slightly ajar.

Amber snickered evilly.

"Okay, you are officially my favorite Avenger," she told Natasha, who smiled.

"I'm going to go work in the lab until Thor arrives," Bruce announced, swallowing a last bite of pancake and making for the elevator. "You're welcome to stay up here, Kit-Kat."

"No, I'll go down to the lab with you," she said, with a bright smile. "I brought my iPod so I can show you those songs now."

Amber watched them go with an annoyingly smug look on her face.

"They're _so_ going to get together," she said.

"I don't know," said Steve, slowly. "Bruce doesn't really do relationships."

Amber smiled.

"Neither does Kat. But if you put two nice geeks alone in a room together, both of whom are reasonably attractive, for an extended period of time, they gravitate towards each other, start dating, and then get married and have tons of babies. Law of nature. The only thing keeping them apart is _maybe _the age thing, but Kat has a bit of a thing for older guys, so…"

Steve frowned.

"No, see, Bruce, he doesn't want to hurt anyone."

"What do you mean?"

"He's the Hulk. Well, his alter-ego is the Hulk. I think he's scared that if he gets close to someone they'll get hurt."

Amber's jaw dropped.

"_That _guy is the Hulk?"

Steve blinked.

"Kat never mentioned it?"

Amber shook her head, and Steve's eyes widened.

"I shouldn't have told you, then. Obviously she wants to keep it secret for a reason."

Amber held up a hand.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm her sister, I know everything about her. Almost everything. And she knows… considerably less about me. Although that's probably because she doesn't approve of the boys I date."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know, rude, grabby, gangster bad boys who usually end up cheating on me."

Her voice cracked slightly at the last part, and Steve shook his head slowly.

"I'll never be able to understand how anyone could do that to a woman," he said. "In my day, boys were brought up to be gentlemen."

"Yeah, well, there aren't very many gentlemen any more," said Amber. "And they aren't the sort of men that would love _me_."

"I don't see why not," said Steve.

Amber smiled at him, a bit sadly.

"And that's just you being a gentleman again. I-I think I'm going to go see what Kat is doing," she said in a rush, and pressed the elevator button to go down.

Steve stared after her. Modern girls were even more confusing than the girls in _his _time.


End file.
